We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
How's work?
Spinning.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
