i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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