how hairy? two words: wookie tits
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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