She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
