Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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