she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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