Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you had me at cake vodka
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
