You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
