is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
