I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
