I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
