And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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