Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
