he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
