There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
me + whiskey = a bad person
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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