It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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