even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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