Someone shit on the floor
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
