You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
