The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
