she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
