She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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