We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
