and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
