Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
