Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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