He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize