So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
