You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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