after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
