There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
