Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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