I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
