i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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