one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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