I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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