I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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