RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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