you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
