She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
