i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize