There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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