he told me I talked like a deaf person
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
