Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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