did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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