I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I supernannyed him into submission
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize