Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize