dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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