hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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