Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
it hurts more in the daytime
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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