It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
True strength comes from lack of pants
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
