He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
