I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
