Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
