he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
