I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
