dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
