I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
