I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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