hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize