Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
