this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
