do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
