Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
