I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
