Need sex. Gaining weight.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
