you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
